he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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