I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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