Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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