Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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