wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
