well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
