so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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