Grow some girl-balls and come out already
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
