hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
