he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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