so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
