Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Randomize
