they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
