Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
