he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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