You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
