I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
