just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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