walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
