Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
