The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
