Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
