I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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