Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
