They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
