He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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