Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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