The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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