Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
