then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
