So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
