I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
