She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i believe in u and ur pee
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
