Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
