Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
