Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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