We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
