please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
