I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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