It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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