What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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