i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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