You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
