I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
