It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
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