Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
