6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
