im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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