hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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