I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
