dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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