she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
