this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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